I like proper. Actually, I almost loved Mr.Proper. I loved the thought of doing it, but every obstacle forced me not to. Once in awhile the memory of how we began appears in my head. Someone gave you my phone number. I wondered if you were the one that asked for it. All I can really remember about that conversation is that we easily related to each other. We gave each other time to tell each other our life story. We both had similar pasts that involve being bullied. The next day I knew that I wanted him in my life. As I got to know more about him, I saw that he was more than his past. I believed that he had a beautiful mind that I kept wanting to find more about what was living in there. While he would do this, he would speak so intelligently and so proper, but that is just another thing he hates about himself. He spoke that way more than most people in my life. He was such an insecure boy, but I saw him as attractive. When he would express his opinion, I always found myself intrigued. In the beginning, I had no complaints about our friendship.
Three months later, I got into a relationship, but I still saw him as my best friend. The way we felt about each other didn’t change. Well, I’m not sure. As I was dating my then boyfriend, he eventually started feeling that he was a part of a love triangle. He believed that Mr.Proper was in love with me, but I wasn’t sure at all. I’m not the type of person that assumes that someone has a crush on me without a lot of evidence because I would be mad if someone would assume that about me when I didn’t feel that way at all. I reassured my boyfriend that there was nothing to worry about, and everything was fine.
Another three months go by and my life became the opposite of fine. The boyfriend that I was dating at the time broke my heart every way possible purposely. It just felt so planned out and so painful. This break up led me straight into a deep depression and everything people knew about me in the past was gone. It was the upsetting truth that everyone had to face because I mentally couldn’t go back to who I was. Mr.Proper was still my friend, and I appreciated that. That was one of the reasons why I still felt a little good about myself inside. That was one of the reasons why I held onto life when the bad habits that I had started refused me to.
As more time went by, I saw myself as heartless. I didn’t want to be gullible in love anymore. I never wanted to open my heart again after being rejected the last time. I used to deeply believe that being heartless towards guys that were interested in me would be the cure. I realize now that I let one guy completely ruin everyone else’s chances, but it already happened.
One random night, I had an image of Mr.Proper and me in my head. I couldn’t get it out of my head no matter how hard I tried. With those thoughts, a lot of feelings came with them that I didn’t know what to do with. I didn’t want to want Mr.Proper, but I couldn’t control the way my heart raced when he would hug me. Especially this one day he decided to do it because he picked me up in the middle of it for a couple seconds longer and my lips were overly tempted to touch his cheek that was facing me. He put me back down before I followed through with my temptation.
I held how I felt inside for a week or so until one weekend…
Like this post if you want me to post part two, and I will do it.
Thoughts? Suggestions? Let me know in the comments below. Thanks for using your time to read this. You’re still breathing, so stay strong. Goodbye.