I’m already here, so whatever happens, happens. He hops off his bed and stands in front of me. I can’t hide the fear that I have anymore.
“Why were you playing with Tom Martinez!” he roars in rage.
“I wasn’t playing with anyone!” I yell back, choking out tears, “I would never do that to you.”
I am always honest with him, but I realize now that no matter what I do, he will never trust me. I can’t let this relationship continue any further.
“I’m tired of your fucking lies, Alison!” he continues to shout, “What the fuck is this!”
He pulls out his phone from his pocket, and he shows me a picture of Tom and I during class. We were in the middle of a conversation, and the picture was taken while he was smirking. Every single moment is on social media, but shouldn’t my life be on my account?
“We were just talking, Nate,” I explain, feeling even more annoyed with my peers, “It doesn’t even matter what I was doing with Tom because I was I don’t want to be in a relationship anymore.”
“Why not?” he asks me, and he is not screaming at me for once, “Is it because of Martinez?”
I hesitate.Where do I begin?
“No…” I answer.
Just be honest, Alison.
“I’m struggling with my family and my weight…” I continue, staring deep at the floor instead of him.
“When weren’t you struggling with those things, Alison? “he asks me, but I was focusing on a tear that was falling down his face.
Coming over to his place probably wasn’t the best place to break up with him. Nate doesn’t respond right away. He puts both of his hands on top of his head. Suddenly, he grabs my hands and rips me off of his mattress. We are directly facing each other now.
“Is this really what you want, Alison?” he croaked, trying his best to not let another tear fall.
“Yes, Nate,” I respond immediately, feeling my own tears start to fall.
The only person that I have right now is Nate but only because he is my boyfriend. I remember us chasing after each other last year. He gave me the good anxiety that made my heart beat fast and the butterflies that bumped into each other in my stomach. I knew that we had something every time that I looked at him with that feeling. I’m not going to lie, our relationship has kind of faded at this point.
Nate is not even looking at me anymore He is only staring at the ceiling, and I am just now starting to be fearful for my life. I have a reason to be fearful because Nate starts to clench his hands into fists, and I am running for his doorknob like I should have done earlier. I am so naive and now I’m going to die because of that. I finally twist the doorknob, but I forgot that he locked it. He walks closer to me and I face him again.
“I can’t take this anymore!” he roars.
He lifts up one of his fists and punches my chest as hard as he can, and I know this because he takes me off my feet. I fall down to his cold floor with no hesitation, and I can’t even close my eyes because the pain is excruciating. I start to hyperventilate as I lay my weak hands on my chest. I have to constantly catch my breath as if the air doesn’t want to stay inside of my lungs. Is this the end for me? My life really does suck, but I believe in happy endings. This is not a happy ending.
Nate just stares back at me as I whimper. All the emotions of his face are draining out while he is watching me endure all of this pain.It is truly sickening to look back into his heartless eyes. He is not my boyfriend anymore. He is only a stranger to me now. I can hardly move or force a word to come out. All I can do is cry, and make my nose stuffy which is only making my breathing worse. If he is going to continue the beating, then he should just put me out of my misery already. I don’t care how the hurt will end. I just want it to end soon.
I would miss my baby brother the most because I know that his love for me is sincere. I will also miss my dad. I haven’t seen him that much since the divorce and I regret that. Maybe Tom, but I just met him this morning. No one has ever given me the time of day, so he surprised me when he was more than willing to help me learn how to play guitar for music class.
Nate is still staring me down, but I think he is starting to snicker. I hope that it is just my ears deceiving me. Every second that he stares at me, the faster my heart pounds in my chest. Each heartbeat is reminding me how bad I was punched by someone that I used to call “my baby.”
“Stop exaggerating,” he orders. “My mom will be home soon, and she can’t see what you’ve done…”
Is he really blaming me for getting punched? I don’t respond to him or do what he says, and that brings out his anger once again. He grabs both my hands and lifts me off of the floor. I can barely stand on my feet, so I push him as my body is halfway off his floor. My shove is so strong that Nate flies to his drawer and falls on his face from the impact. All I can hear from him now is his deep breathing as he is trying to gather himself. That push took the rest of the energy that I have left because I fall back onto the floor smacking my body against it.
I have more power over him now. I need to leave. I regain my energy to stand, but I am still struggling. I reach for his doorknob to stay on my feet because they can barely hold me up. I immediately unlock his door and wobble out of his bedroom. I have never felt this light on my feet before, and I’m just not used to that.
The farther that I run, the more that I am used to feeling like I am off of the ground. I can barely feel my heavy feet when I run which is so strange. The spiking pain that I have been feeling in my chest after that punch is starting to grow faint. I’m noticing as the sky´s getting darker that I’m closer to my apartment complex than I should be. How can a fragile girl like me suddenly be able to endure such a solid punch? Not even endure. How can I feel even better now than before I was punched?
I see my apartment building across the street, and I am beginning to run as fast as the wind. I run upstairs to the fifth floor without catching my breath once, that’s new, and I unlock the door to the apartment. Familiarity is what I need right now. My mom greets me at the door in her underwear, and I’m not very thrilled.
“Were you having sex?” my mom asks bluntly.
“No, mom,” I answer in frustration.
I’m used to her assuming that I am having sex every time I go out, but I am not in the mood for her questions right now.
“Were you drinking or smoking?” she continues to interrogate, “You usually get home earlier.”
“I was just hanging out,” I explain to her, “I literally get no dick at all.”
My mom tries not to giggle right after I tell her my truths.
“Your brother is waiting for you,” she informs me, “Go say hi to him.”
“Okay, I just have to go to the bathroom first,” I reply as I am walking away from her.
I rush into the bathroom and I hear her voice calling after me.
“You better not tell me that you’re pregnant next week!” she warns.
I roll my eyes back at her even though she can’t see it, but a good eye roll always makes me feel better.
Now that I am still, I can feel the dizziness that was caused earlier. The only good thing about that punch is that I know for sure that I will never run back to Nate in the future. I can never love someone who abuses me. It used to be mentally unstable, but this is even worse. Seriously.
I hear at least five knocks on the door, and I know that it is my baby brother. He is literally the only one that knocks, and I appreciate that.
“Ally, is that you?” he asks me, and I swear that I can hear how cute he is every time he talks.
“It’s me, just hold on a second,” I respond, “The door is unlocked. You can just open it.”
Why is the room spinning? He opens the door, and I fall straight down onto the bathroom tiles. My fall has left my baby bro in a serious panic.
“Don’t get mom,” I whisper to him because I already know that will be the first thing he does.
“What happened to you?!” he asks loudly.
“I’m just tired,” I reassure him as I get on my hands and knees, “I had a long day at school.”
I’m on my feet again, but I still need help walking down the hallway to my room.
“Can you hold my hand?” I ask him in my sweetest voice to prove that I am mostly alright.
“Ok, Ally,” he accepts with a smile in return, and he guides me into our room.
As soon as he opens our door, I rush into my bed almost as if we were reuniting after years of separation.
“You’re going to sleep?” he questions me, “Isn’t six too early for you?”
Kids sure love to ask questions.
“Yeah, and you should, too,” I tell him,”Little boys need their beauty sleep.”
“No, that’s lame,” he responds as he is looking for toys to play with.
“Your loss,” I warn him before I close my eyes.
I don’t want to know what tomorrow has instore for me, but I will find out eventually…
I wake up the next morning expecting the pain in the chest to hit me again, but I am feeling better than ever. I follow my usual routine of taking my brother to school and I run to my school before it begins, but everything went by like a breeze. I have a brand new attitude since the moment that I woke up. I’m not the same girl as yesterday. I’m going to live the way that I want to.
I walk into my school, and I have never been so excited to ever in my life. Not because of all the energy that runs through my body now, but because of my new freedom. My freedom from my abusive relationship and my freedom to talk to Tom without any consequences like getting punched. He is actually the only person that I can’t wait to see. I know where he must be before class starts.
I know I don’t have a chance with him, but I just want someone in my life that won’t hurt me the way Nate did. I touch my chest again in confusion as I walk upstairs to the music room.
I thought that punch was going to kill me, and it hasn’t even left a mark. I bruise as easily as a banana. I shouldn’t be worried too much. Not being in pain is a good thing. I think too much, and I guess that’s what people hate about me. I worry about something before anyone else does. I should just go see Tom. He’ll make me forget these thoughts for sure.
I stand at the door of the music room watching him in action. He is performing, and the room is his stage. I slowly walk in to not interrupt his performance and I greet Mr.Andrews.
“Hello, Mr.Andrews,” I acknowledge him this time.
“Hey, Ms.Saxe,” he greets back with a fist bump,”How are you?”
“Good,” I reply as I continue to walk at a steady pace to Tom.
He was in his own trance with his instrument, and all I could do was stare at him. He was as gorgeous as the music he was playing. He had jet black hair and most of it was covering his face. He was a slim boy that was covered in black and white with his outfit. He had the most adorable birthmark in the shape of a circle on his forehead. I had to make sure that I wasn’t drooling. I sit beside him and he is still lost in a tune as he plays his acoustic guitar. You can read the passion in his eyes, and it tells a beautiful story.
He probably feels my eyes from my creepy stare and looks up at me with his fingers in the middle of a chord.
“Alison, what’s up?” he asks in shock,”You know we don’t have this class today, right?”
He puts his attention on me, but not the same attention that he had just given to his guitar. I’m not jealous. Maybe a little bit, but I have never seen anyone love an object the way he loves his guitar which intrigues me.
“I know,” I answer him. “I just thought we were going to have another lesson.”
Is he shocked in a positive way or a negative way? If only I could read his mind… I have never been this social, and this week all feels like a daydream that is about to burst like a bubble.
“Right,” he remembers. “I’m sorry, not many people are willing to commit to learning an instrument. A lot of people expect it to be easy.”
“I know it’s not going to be easy, but I’m willing to take the time to learn,” I reveal, trying to hit him with the same passion.
I want to impress him, and I know that music is the only way.
I have a lot of free time anyway… I kind of don’t have any friends besides my little brother…
“Let’s do it then,” he announces with a toothy smile.
I smile back, and I thought everything would end up great, but a storm hit us. By storm, I don’t mean from the clouds… Nate stomps into the music room and has his eyes only set on me.
“How did I know that you would be here?” Nate asks with a chuckle. “Can we talk, Alison?”
Tom looks at Nate for a second and faces me again in concern.
“Do you want to talk to him?” Tom questions me as he points at Nate.
I stand and I swear that I see Tom’s jaw drop as I walk over to Nate.
“I can take care of myself, Tom,” I assure him as I face Nate, “We can talk, but not for long.”
Nate leaves as he smirks at Tom on the way out. I follow him as he leads me towards the lockers down the hall. He leans against one of the lockers and he pulls my hips towards him.
“What the hell is wrong with you?!” I yell at him as I swat his hands away from my body.
“Your body was supposed to be mine first,” he mentions in a whisper.
I’m tired of these dumb games. I don’t play games unless it’s a board game with my baby bro on a Friday night. Wow, I truly know how to make myself sound more and more pathetic…
“What does that have to do with yesterday?!” I continue to yell at him.
I remember the time when I loved every part of him, but now, I am completely disgusted with this pervert.
“You better act like that never happened,” he threatens me as he gets off of the locker to get his face closer to mine.
I step back hesitant on how to respond to the craziness of it all.
“You look better today,” he notices as he looks down at my chest, making me feel like a piece of meat. “You’re even glowing. I knew that you were exaggerating.”
I tend to exaggerate. I can admit that, but I could never exaggerate the worst feeling in my life that could have stopped my heart.
What can words do now? They seem so meaningless after all of this time. The words that he said to lure me in. The words that he said to keep me. Then there are words from this morning and last night that say otherwise. They are all so meaningless. I hate that more than anything else right now.
I push him back into the lockers with the new strength that I have. He falls back against the lockers and slides down to the floor. What else could I do? He acts like he can’t hear me every single time that I say something he doesn’t agree with. My anger doesn’t end there. I raise a fist in the air when I remember what he did to me last night.
“What?” Nate asks as he catches his breath, “Are you going to fucking punch me?”
I look into his horrendous face that is hiding the obvious fear in his eyes, and I look back at my fist. Is it worth it?
“I would,” I begin as I lower my fist, “But I’m not you…”
I walk away from him and head to my first-period class. I didn’t want to see Tom either because I don’t want to explain anything. I’m not in the mood to talk. I have global history first, and I should be focused on my classes for once instead of these boys.
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